you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
