I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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