I faked an abortion last night.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
