I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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