Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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