i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Randomize
