She said her name was "party"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
