"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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