Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
