Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize