Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
either way he was missing a nipple.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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