I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
