When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
