i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need to sanitize my soul.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
