cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How does one acquire holy water?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize