i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This baby is an asshole
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize