He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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