I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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