she takes plan B like it's going out of style
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize