Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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