Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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