i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this boner is exhausting
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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