You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
