I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
