Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
