So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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