I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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