something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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