Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize