How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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