apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
