They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
