My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
