i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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