I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i can't believe i had my finger in that
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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