He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
