i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
