Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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