It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
