Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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