What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
