end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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