You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
