dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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