If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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