I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
