Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
