I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
