Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
