I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is my gift to your gina
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize