the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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