oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
