Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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