Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
