She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
