He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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