she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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