I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
