I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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