Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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