I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
