The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can you bring me the toilet please
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
