I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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