i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
