He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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