Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
