OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
