Swine flu is the new snow day.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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