All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
