One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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