I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
