I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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