so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
