shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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