I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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