I CAN MOONWALK!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize