well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
