Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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