drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Everything about him screamed your future.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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