it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
