Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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