i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
