when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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